Step-by-Step: What to Do When an Online Partner Asks for Money

Introduction — why this matters and the first rule

If a new online partner asks you for money, the safest assumption is that it’s a romance or advance-fee scam. Scammers build rapport and then create urgent-sounding reasons to extract cash, gift cards, wire transfers, or cryptocurrency. Even when the story seems believable, people who haven’t met in person and who ask for money are almost always running a scam, so stop and follow the steps below.

This guide gives clear, prioritized actions you can take immediately to limit losses, recover funds if possible, report the fraud to the right authorities and platforms, and reduce the risk of identity theft or account takeover. For background on how romance scams typically operate, see guidance from the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) and the FBI.

Immediate actions — stop more money leaving and preserve evidence

Act quickly. The faster you move, the better the chance of stopping follow-up payments or tracing recent transfers.

• Stop all contact with the person right away. Do not send more money, images of documents, or remote-access access to your devices.
• Record and save everything: screenshots of conversations, payment receipts, profile pages, usernames, phone numbers, and any email headers. Preserve timestamps and message IDs where possible.
• Do not trust requests to move the conversation to a “secure” site or a different app — scammers often ask you to switch to messaging they control.
• Note payment method details: which bank/account, exact transfer amounts, recipient name, gift card retailer and card numbers, wallet addresses, or payment app IDs.
• Scan devices: if you downloaded files, installed apps, or gave remote access, disconnect the device and run anti-malware scans or get professional help — attackers sometimes install tools to keep access.

These immediate steps are consistent with official consumer guidance for people who paid or communicated sensitive information to scammers.

Contact financial institutions and payment services (what to ask for)

Contact every company you used to send money as soon as possible — banks, credit card issuers, payment apps, gift card retailers, cryptocurrency exchanges, and wire services. Even if recovery is unlikely, businesses can sometimes stop pending transfers, reverse unauthorized charges, or freeze a recipient account.

1. Bank/transfers: Tell your bank it was a fraud/theft and ask them to reverse or place a recall on any ACH or wire transfers. Ask about temporarily freezing the account or issuing a new account number or card.
2. Credit/debit card: Dispute the charge as fraudulent and request a chargeback when applicable.
3. Payment apps (Venmo, Zelle, Cash App, PayPal, etc.): Report the payment and request an investigation—some apps have short windows to freeze funds.
4. Gift cards: Contact the retailer immediately and give them the card numbers and transaction details — many retailers cannot refund used cards, but it’s essential to report abuse quickly.
5. Cryptocurrency: Crypto transfers are usually final. Provide wallet addresses and transaction IDs to your exchange and law enforcement; exchanges can sometimes freeze assets if funds are moved through intermediaries and you report fast.

Always get names and reference numbers for your calls and follow up in writing to create a clear paper trail. The FTC advises contacting the company you used to send money because there may still be a way to recover funds.

Report the scam — who to notify and how

Reporting serves two purposes: it may help you recover funds and it helps authorities track and stop scammers.

• File a complaint with IC3 (FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center) — IC3 collects cybercrime complaints and shares data with law enforcement. If you believe you’re a victim, submit a report to IC3. The FBI also maintains advice on romance scams and recommends stopping contact and reporting.
• Report to the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov — the FTC uses reports to spot trends and warn others.
• Report to the dating or social app/platform where you met the person — use in-app reporting tools and include screenshots and payment details.
• File a local police report — needed for some banks and insurance claims; bring all documentation and the reference numbers from IC3/FTC reports.
• Warn people you trust — tell family and friends and, if appropriate, publish a warning on your social accounts so others can avoid the same profile/handle.

Be careful: criminals sometimes create fake law-enforcement or recovery services and even spoof IC3/FBI pages. Confirm you are using the official IC3 and FTC sites (look for .gov and correct spellings) before providing more personal information. If you encounter a site that looks like IC3 but uses a different domain or asks for payment to recover funds, it is almost certainly a scam.

Follow-up protection, emotional support, and prevention

After reporting and contacting financial institutions, take these steps to reduce future risk and to support your recovery:

• Change passwords and enable 2FA for email, banking, and social accounts in case account credentials were shared or guessed.
• Consider a credit freeze or fraud alert with Equifax, Experian, and TransUnion if you shared personal information that could enable identity theft.
• Monitor accounts and credit reports closely for several months; sign up for alerts where available.
• Seek emotional support: romance scams can be traumatizing. Contact trusted friends and professional counselors, or victim-support groups that specialize in fraud recovery.
• Learn the red flags: requests for gift cards, wire transfers, cryptocurrency, urgent secrecy, never meeting in person, or invented medical/legal emergencies are common scam tactics—raise skepticism immediately. Official consumer guidance highlights these repeated warning signs.

Prevention is the best recovery tool: never send money to someone you haven’t met in person, verify profile photos with a reverse image search, and ask direct questions that a genuine partner can answer. If you’re unsure, show the conversation to a trusted friend or family member before you act.